Can I be little today?

Can I be little today?

Shrink out of this monkey suit 

Crawl across the carpet and lay

Flat on my back 

Tell Netflix I’m not still watching 

Tell my phone to shut itself down

Tell my eyes and ears and mouth to close

My mind to close 

Whatever that means.

Little today. Just have a little day?

And not be joy’s thief

And not assess dreams

Weighing whether 

It’s too early to give up on them

This weight is big

Bigger than I thought 

When I was little.

When I was little 

The world was my oyster

Collector of pearls

“Lulu” in Arabic 

I know because I’ve traveled

Lived in strange places 

Learned to be foreign

Not learned to be content.

Can I be little today?

So choices can’t affect me

So there aren’t so many

Things to want or count or buy

So I can still be anything

Curious of everything 

Lacking nothing 

So I can just lie

Little

There on the floor

Mind still

Grounded.

Lip Incompetence

You’re always smiling.

I’m always happy –

Except it is the structure of my face.

A mouth-breather,

Big teeth and pink gums and skinny lips

Flashing the bright flag of welcome

I always thought they were. 

Joy because Joy is in my name

And it is in my spirit, 

And it is in my body,

Literally my body –

Jaw misaligned

Shallow neck

Sucking in

And exhaling

Without filter. 

I’m always smiling 

Because Joy is in my name.

And I was taught there’s

Always someone more worse-off.

And privilege has been served

To me on a silver platter –

Where I can see my face there

Smiling. 

Do I keep caring

What’s in a name?

Has my reflection 

Served me well?

Certainly me and 

Others noticing

How happy she must be. 

How happy I must be.

Not always, I can say now,

Teeth still bore. 

It’s just harder

For me to hide them,

Why the lines around 

There are more worn. 

Of all the self-diagnoses

There’s been none

More integral to self:

Were genetics 

Or my choices –

Joy’s greatest help? 

An Acquaintance

Does every person know sadness?

Know him with a different face, or name or address?

Should I recognize him at once, 

Or hesitating, pick him in a lineup (seeing something familiar)?

I couldn’t tell you when we first met, 

Or if he considers us well acquainted,

I wouldn’t say we’re close (but there are few I’m close to). 

It bothers me I can’t place him sometimes, 

Like that old movie I used to love, 

That friend I had as a child, 

That story I once wept over. 

Are my senses failing, 

Or am I just unaware (I can’t decide which worse)

Losing something or barely realizing its existing?

Though there are worse things than sadness

To ignore. 

Maybe it’s like 

How the shape of my jaw

Leads my mouth always to a smile.

Maybe it’s the Joy stuck 

In the middle of my name.

But sadness sometimes

I call to (when I’m lonely)

Just to sit with.